Tuesday, October 13, 2009
PMR's over . Friendships lost . I regret nothing . inspired and realized by Natasha K
Posted by DeanLuphTheSky =) at 12:22 PMHey bloggie ! today's the last day of PMR & i'm freakin happy cuz i can do anything i want now .. sleep till my head explode , play comp till my eyes get blind , sms till my fingers swell & roam to malls till my feet bleed .. ! HAHAHA ! but aside from the good things, there is one little problem that ruins my day today . u know what i mean .. "them" .. seriously, i can't get it out of my head . i'm not feeling myself today . i love that i hate the fact that they don't care cuz i found out one thing now . they don't care & underappreciate me . what i'm doing to them now is like a simple test . it goes like this, i'm mad & frustrated in them[not acting] so i ignore them . If they "really" care, they'd be like "what's wrong with u Dean?? sorry aa if we did something wrong .." or "Dean .. sorry aa .. are u mad at us ?" . but i prefer if they say "knpa kw lain sudah sma kmi? kw ada probs dgn kmi ka ? sorry ..". YES !!! they should ask that KEY question to me !! ask if i have any problems with them . but INSTEAD , they IGNORE me and are dragging EVERYBODY TO THEM . it's like they're ruining my friendship with everyone else .. let's be clear cuz i don't want anyone to be misunderstood . "Them" are Ap & Jov . "Everybody else" are charm & some people . Even charm doesn't talk to me anymore . THANKS A LOT AP & BUNY !!!! U GUYS ARE THE BEST FRIENDS A PERSON COULD EVER HAVE !! a message to charm , it's fine if u don't want to talk to me anymore . i accept if it's bcuz i did sumthing wrong to u all this time cuz i know i did . i hurted u & treated u like hell . i'm truly sorry . but, if the reason for ur attitude towards me is bcuz u r on THEIR side , i can't accept & i'm furiously dissapointed in u . ur supposed to know me more than anyone else . u know that i won't create such attitude if sumthing's not wrong . but sumthing is & why can't u understand .. it's always me that must stick to u from behind even though i know u prefer to be friends with somebody else . i'm letting u go so here's ur chance to ditch me . do it right now . i was this person that follows u bcuz i don't have friends that understands me like u do . but u know what i feel , u didn't truly listen to me when i had sumthing to tell .. i'm sorry if ur bored or anything but when u had probs , i tried the best i could to help u . guess we're not as close as i THOUGHT we are . thank u for making me realize that .. sorry . Ap , i know ur a nice person & i'm not as good or smart as u are but at times u hurt me so bad that u couldn't see it . i hate ur attitude .. the way u grab attention from others just to find friends regardless if they were talking to me . i don't wanna be the one who puts all my anger deep in the heart's core just so U CAN BE HAPPY [while i'm aching] . i tried the best to keep it hush hush but i reached my limit . i had enough of it . Buny, eventhough we're close before, u always leave me behind . ur talking to somebody else and i'm ignored . ur walking with somebody else and i'm left all alone . ap & u are too social . u have too many friends but not many hearts enough to APPRECIATE THEM ALL . i guess i'm just a fruitcake at the back while u go make friends with cupcakes . i hate the feeling of loneliness . it's like i'm ur back up friend or sumthing . I holded on with u guys since LAST YEAR . i stuck to all of u bcuz i refused to give up . i know that someday i'll find a place . i'll feel belonged in the group & not just a naive new kid .. but f**k that . they're all bullshit things to hope for . i tried to make things right but when it do, it goes wrong for me .. i felt HELL STUPID !!!! i hope u'll all stick with ur new clique[yg kmu2 lha] & don't treat them like me . learn ur mistakes cuz i'm learning now . it's better to have one good loyal friend[Natasha K] than have hundreds but none really cares about u . i'm trying hard to convince myself that . HAVE A HAPPY LIFE & don't give a damn about me . just go on with ur ego pride than putting some effort to try to solve it . i still feel like i'm a new kid cuz i still don't wholly adapt myself to these changes, new atmosphere & yes , friends . but doesn't matter . i'll be out of that school next year anyway . i can find other people who appreciate me better than u guys . all i ever want is friends that i can count on in times of sorrow & will always hold on to me like sisters , not just happy moments when we're all having fun. we won't have fun all the time . that is the real world , that's LIFE ! . is that too much too ask ? even one person is enough but none did such things. we're happy together so we're bestfriends .. but when we're mad at each other we're enemies. i don't want that but u pushed me & pushed me again . i had to walk away . i refuse to be frustrated & i'm tired of pretending fine . i DESERVED better than that .. i know it . how i miss u Farah .. eventhough we live & school at places far from each other . ur the closest person to me till now . i hope our dream of going to the same school together again would come true . if not , i know we'll hold on to each other no matter what cuz we're bestfriends till the end . from the 5th grade until now , thanks for sticking with me through thick & thin . farewell ~
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Labels: Mind Heart Soul
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