Stars & Raindrops

urm . so stress out lately . mcm mw pcah ja ney kpala .. its bad enuf tht PMR is getting closer , da ley probs len . 1st of all .. it sux tht my parents kip on lecturing me bout it . i'm doing a very bad tym trying to force myself study . tht is a MAJOR problem . im so sick of school . sometimes i juz wna end it & drop out but i couldn't . i don't have enuf heart to do it . i have dreams & i have goals .. but they're so far away . i used to be so sure about my life & so enthusiastic bout it but now .. it's not as clear as it used . i couldn't see it . i can't even breathe its air . i hate tht im growing up & life's getting hard on me . it's pushing me beyond my limit . my luck hits me lyk a trainwreck evrytym . the air i'm breathing in suffocates me . the worst part is , eventho i'm growing up , i didn't learn anythng . teenage life is so confusing . i remember the tym i was just a lil kid , evrythng seems easy . i miss those moments . tht age . i don't know who i am anymore .. i can't find myself . i feel so left out in ths life . i'm not doing a gud job adapting myself to move on . the past is haunting me . it's not about lil thngs such as pmr . it's the big picture with confusing details . it's LIFE ! at times i just wna drown myself in the bath tub . i'm losing my sense of humour & it seems harder to laugh . i pretend i'm ok but i'm really not . evryone around me thinks i'm a healthy-minded person but i'm really sick inside . i laugh when time gets hard & i cry when it got worst . i'm going crazy really . i never thought i'd say all of those things above . negativity got the best of me . school's getting sux by the day . life is hitting me harder & harder . help me to end ths . the only person i can count on is myself . truly .. i'm losing my senses . i'm not exaggerating thngs . i'm speaking directly straight from my very heart . where's the passion i had about life & chasing after dreams ? i'll tell u where it has gone , the blackhole accross the galaxy . a place where anythng couldn't be recovered . why do i have to pretend tht i'm perfectly fine in front of evry1 else ? home , school , tuition , when i'm with ppl .. why ? it's so hard to express myself . nobody cares & i just know it . i mean , why should they . surely they won't want a problematic person like me in their life . everybody's better off without me . i feel so insecure getting close with ppl & they don't even know it . a gud thng . i don't wna hurt their feelings . i'm an annoying person cuz thts the way i express myself when i'm really depressed . why can't some ppl see tht i'm depressed . i just wnt some ppl to pay attention to me for a lil bit so i won't feel lyk i'm invisible .. all i really need now is to find myself before it's too late .